Noah funnies

The conversation at our dinner table last night:

Phil: Okay, let's see if we can avoid an argument tonight. I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. Whoever guesses closest to the number gets to say the blessing.

Adam: Five!

Noah: Orange!

Huh?

Conversation on our couch yesterday afternoon:

Phil and I are sitting on the couch talking about I don't remember what. Noah comes in very excited about something and tries to tell us what he wants to do, but Noah has a stuttering problem when he gets excited so sometimes he has a really hard time getting his words out. This is how it went:

Noah: Mom, I um um I um I wanna I wanna I um tel tel television I um Sponge Sponge Sponge I tv um tv um I wanna watch watch I um um um Sponge um um um Bob . . .

Phil: (very calmly) Noah . . . slow down . . . take a breath . . . think about what you want to say . . . "Mom, I wanna watch Sponge Bob." Just slow down a little bit and say it just like that.

Noah: Okay. Mom? I wanna go on a bike ride.

And a not so funny:

After running errands today Noah and I returned home and he was mad at me because I wouldn't give him some candy that was on the floor in the grocery store. He was throwing a mini-tantrum and wouldn't get out of the car, so I left him out there and went into the house. He then got really mad because I left him out there and came in about ten seconds behind me announcing that he was really mad and was going to slam the door.

Me: Noah . . . you better not slam the door or you will go lay on your bed.

Noah: But I'm really mad at you.

Me: You can be mad at me, but you don't get to slam the door.

Noah: thoughtful pause

Me: I'm serious, Noah. Don't slam the door or you will have to go to your bed.

Noah: I'm going to slam the door, and then I'm going to run before you can get me.

That's exactly what he did, but at least he ran upstairs and got on his bed. Halfway up the stairs though, he stopped to ask me why I wasn't chasing him.